By Rob Roper (with respect to Dr. Seuss)
All the folks in the Red States loved Christmas a lot.
But the Libs in the Blue States did NOT.
The Libs hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, we have to ask why? Is there any good reason?
It could be their heads aren’t screwed on just right.
It could be perhaps that they just like to fight.
But I think the most likely reason of all
Is getting crushed in the mid-terms has taken its toll.
But whatever the problems, in their hearts and their heads,
The Libs stood there on Christmas hating the Reds.
Together they growled with their blue fingers drumming,
“We must find some way to stop Christmas from coming,
“We must steal all their wreaths and nativity scenes,
“And Santa Claus too, and all of the trees!
“We must stop them from caroling all through the streets
“We must make them feel guilty for enjoying their feasts.
“To teach these Reds tolerance… fairness… diversity,
“We must OBLITERATE Christmas entirely…
Then they got an idea! An awful idea.
The Libs got a typically awful idea.
“I know just what we’ll do,” one Lib chortled and drooled.
“We’ll send ten thousand lawyers to all their kids’ schools.
“We’ll SUE Christmas away, and when we’re done there,
“We’ll do just the same to every town square!”
The Libs bullied and badgered with writs most unpleasant,
Cleaned out every classroom, and canceled the pageants.
They stuffed decorations away in their bags.
“And as long as we’re here, let’s rip down the flag!”
They took baby Jesus. They took all of the lights.
They took every present that was out in plain sight.
From every kid’s school and every town hall,
No Christmas was left. The Libs took it all.
They took it three thousand miles to the 9th Circuit Court
That knew how to dispose of stuff of this sort.
“Pooh-Pooh to the Reds,” they were liberally humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming.
“They’re waking up now, we know just what they’ll do!
“They’re mouths will hang open a moment or two,
“Then the Reds in the Red States will all cry BOO-HOO!
“That is a sound that we simply must hear!”
Then the Libs put their hand to their ears,
And did hear a sound…
But it was their worst fear.
No screaming or crying or muttering “poor me!”
The Reds were all planning Party… with TEA.
Independents were joining and disgruntled Dems,
And all were discovering why they should be friends.
The Libs, with their feet all ice cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
Of course, they learned nothing. The Libs showed persistence.
“Santa’s factory we’ll regulate out of existence!”
“We’ll tax Santa’s sleigh, and unionize elves!”
Which is just what they tried…
… until 2012.